Long-Distance Is Trouble...
Well... it can be. Why? Distance is the ultimate test of communication. Actually it's the ultimate test any relationship can go through as far as trust, effort, love, friendship, determination, compatibility, and so much more. Distance can either strengthen your relationship or destroy it. I can almost promise you that your relationship will not remain the same after it. Why am I bringing this up? Because I'm starting to see the effects it has on me, and my relationship.
So I've learned QUITE a bit about myself and my relationship over the last few months I've been separated from my husband. I can't even begin to list them all. But I can say what I've learned works for long distance because of our failures.
Major Things I've Learned From Trial & Error in a Long-Distance Relationship
1. Communication is KEY!!! - You don't get to be around this person like you used to, you can't touch or even look at them, so your ONLY form of connection is to COMMUNICATE Schedule it in if you have to! Set an alarm, focus on the conversation for at LEAST 15 min. a day
How we failed at this: Every now and then we have days when we barely talk... and
that's a problem waiting to happen right there. You don't believe me now, but if you
do this you will see! Having days where you skip out on communication is unhealthy
in long-distance relationships (unless you absolutely cannot communicate with that
person, but I'm specifically talking about when you CAN talk to them, but DON'T).
2. Give updates!! - Similar to communication, but this is more specific and a lot less general. Update your significant other on your plans, where you'll be going, what you'll be doing, who you're with, accomplishments, failures, progress, backtracking, goals, school, work, family, friends, medical, spiritual, physical, mental, financial, etc...
Why??? Well, this is why: This is the KEY to building trust and keeping a strong
relationship. This eliminates any reasons for your partner to be unsure or worried
about what you're up to. Some people will say that this is a little overboard, but I
believe if you have nothing to hide, then this isn't overboard. When you go out, just
say where, with who, and for how long. If you lose your job, say why, how you're
going to fix the situation, and so on. This is like communication but on crack... orrrr,
uh, I mean steroids! *insert shifty eyes here*
3 . Cool off during heated situations!! - But don't shut down completely and stop responding... that - don't even get me started on it - is one of the most foolish things you can do when you are far away from someone. Agree to take 30 min, an hour, or whatever to cool down and avoid saying something that'll put a strain on your relationship.
I shouldn't even have to elaborate on this...
4. Include them in your life! - Send snapchats when you go out, or when you're just at home, FaceTime or call them when you're with mutual friends or family that want to say hi. FaceTime them when you're doing everyday activities like cooking or putting on makeup.
Is this really important? I think yes. Especially for new relationships. Keep them an
active part of your life and vice-versa. When you are able to imagine your life without
that person, I feel like that is trouble. This doesn't apply AS strongly to longer
relationships because you've already decided you can't imagine life without that
person, but this is just a perk. You get to include them in your daily activities and you
can create the illusion of being with that person on a day-to-day basis.
5. Go above and beyond! - I'm talking about care packages, FaceTime/Skype/Google Duo dates, meaningful texts/emails/letters, and more.
This doesn't need elaborating, but I will say that this is a HUGE key to long-distance
relationships. Sending gifts on birthdays, care packages on holidays or just because,
sending meaningful texts every now and then to let them know how much you love
them and to remind them of how important they are to you. These are the things I
believe stand out the most over the course of a long distance relationship.
Why did I feel the need to share these things? Mainly because I know most of you coming to my blog are going through this now, or about to, and I feel like it's nice to see how others make it work. For that reason, I'd really like for you to leave your best tips for long-distance relationships down below in the comment box. As a MilSO, I'll have plenty of opportunities to use your suggestion, unfortunately. We all know it comes with the territory, so why not make it the best it can be?
As always, thank you soooo much for you continued support, you don't know how much it means to me!
SIDENOTE: If you are having marriage problems (long-distance or not) Military OneSource provides free counseling (in-person, online video chat, phone calls) to military personnel and their dependents!!!